Day 5: Corn, billboards, corn, corn, cheese, corn, and traffic

• Wake up late. It's a good thing, because we were all zonked. Grab quick donut from continental breakfast leftovers.


• J takes another successful driving shift


• Visit Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD. Turns out to just be community center with corn-by-number murals and gift shop. Another tourist trap checked off.


• Billboard Lesson 1: "Abortion is murder."


• G has promised vast expanses of cornfield in SD and MN. M establishes standard of 90 minutes of driving by cornfield. After previous disappointments due to broken promises (see: green hot springs in Yellowstone, yellow hills in Badlands), G decides to leave no doubt as to the fulfillment of this one and takes J's watch for stopwatch use.


• Billboard Lesson 2: "I had fingerprints 7 months before I was born."


• Billboard Lesson 3: SD is not shy about its adult superstores.


• Crossing into MN, G has 47 minutes of corn time. It's looking good.


• Stop for lunch at Chit Chat Family Restaurant. Nothing else to say.


• Billboard Lesson 4: Money grows on trees in Worth County, IA.


• Oooohhh, look! Amber waves of grain! (dramatization)
  corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn cows corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn cows corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn corn


• 90 minutes of corn! Turns out there's a lot more in MN than in SD, and G didn't even need to bother with the timing. M and J are suitably impressed with cornfield vastness.


• Billboard Lesson 5: MN is not shy about its adult superstores, either.


• Billboard Lesson 6: "Life... What a trip! It begins at conception."


• Wisconsin is full of cheese and traffic


• J takes her second driving shift of the day and gets in minor fender bender in construction zone. Just kidding, she does fine.


• G finally gets to share the joys of Perkins pies with M and J at dinner


• Illinois is full of toll plazas


• Blast from the past! (Only G's family will recognize this.)


• Crash at the Quality Inn in Elgin, IL


• Total driving time: ~10 hours. Total mileage: ~700